58: To those without Dads

I just got back from church and for the first time in a while I see how men are being celebrated properly, or maybe it’s because men have taken it upon themselves to also celebrate themselves this times. I mean most of the time we want to be celebrated but it’s cold silence. Even in church word like we made plans but it’s short noticed, was used.

Seeing the celebration got me emotional, I texted my friend nano in a bid to deflect how it truly  makes me feel. I told him I hope you’re not emotional as people with dads are celebrating their fathers and the worlds are celebrating fathers, but we are stuck in between, let me tell you something..

I have been a dad since I was 14, that was when I lost my father, I was in JSS3. People came to pay condolence visit and they would console my mom and then call me to the side, like I didn’t lose someone dear to me; this people’s word to me wasn’t about caressing my wounded heart over the loss of my Dad, I barely know him my guy, I’m 14, just growing up - I mean it’s the second year of my teenage years where we become vocal and social, but you know he died. Instead of me receiving condolence message, I was prepped immediately to fill up the void for my mom and my siblings.

I never got the chance to grieve as a boy, I had to “sit up” in their words, like sit up as how? Lol. I immediately assumed the role of a husband to my mom and Dad to my two siblings. A hat I still wear till this day even as I am hoping to build my own family, they should be happy because I’ll be coming with almost 20yrs of experience, depending on how soon I settle down, which by the look of things, is not so far off.

So permit me when I felt a bit sad and heartbroken when they were recognizing fathers and husbands in the world today but there is no room for people like me to be celebrated, after all the work I’ve done? After all these sacrifice of love for the family God gave me as a teenager? We should be recognized.

And to those of us without Dads, it’s going to be an emotional day for us. Chin up, be happy for those that get to celebrate, even when we don’t know what it feels like, we jolly with them. Or whatever….

I pray that as we continue to journey through the life and finding healing to the hurts and scars life has given us, may we continually be able to recognize all those little pockets of space to be grateful for, and bask in the love of God that regardless of the size of our problem and worry. We are still standing, hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair.

Happy Father’s Day to those with and without fathers. Everyone deserves to be wished ❤️